lux eterna

and then the whole world started wavering
like with eyes seeing from underwater,
shimmer
and halo distorting the edges of a life
held dear,
trinkets grasped at with the hungry hands
of a man too afraid to let go,
a man too soon consumed by the depths
afraid to admit to the drowning feeling
inside his lungs as they fill
as they burn
heavy with the suppressed need to draw a breath
to cry out
a name
a song
a curse
a poem in the name of god,
any god,
in the name of love and lust
and rutting like dogs in the grass
the bedroom
a seedy bathroom on a forgotten road,
all that living so much the same from one day to the next
as we're unaware of the breathing,
the expansions of muscles and sinew
all carrying on with the measured beat of life
that keeps the drowning men moving
shuffling
sighing to the rhythm of the painful,
the exhausting
the excruciating
the exquisite forms of love...

Drowning,
all the world overhead a mess of shivering light,
distortions and truths all much the same when side by side,
I would reach out with the palest hand
and touch the skin of the world,
a voyeur
a man aside:
too afraid to ever really know,
too in love to ever really see the beauty
the justice,
the wholeness
inside of me.